Nightmares

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and been flooded with a bunch of memories from your life and think "Oh shit, I think I'm dying. This is it,  my life is flashing before my eyes." It's kind of peaceful at first until you realize why you didn't care to remember these in the first place, and that's because they all remind you how fucking shitty your life has been. "Oh there's me eating some Cheetos I dropped on the floor, I bet they were at least 2 weeks old." "Oh yeah, I remember that one time I said I was going to get out of bed and be ambitious but decided to go back to sleep." It's fucking depressing. So I did what any American worth their salt would do, I repressed those memories and watched porn until I fell asleep. The way God intended it. 


As always you can find me on Twitter @DeRexBowles where you can stay up to date with all my ramblings and tell me how much I suck. 

Crosswalk

The crosswalks around here have a button that you press and immediately these yellow lights start blinking to let drivers know, "Hey asshole, slow down I'm trying to cross the street." Usually when you hit this button, you pause to make sure that oncoming traffic stops, and  you make eye contact with the driver and give a little wave to say "Thanks for not running me over and possibly killing me." You then go on way your way and this social interaction is over. The other day however, that did not happen. I'm driving home, and I see a guy walking down the side walk, is he going to try to cross the street? I can't tell, usually when you cross the street you check over your shoulder to see if there is a car coming. This guy did not do that. What did he do? He hit the button and walked across. He didn't stop to see if there was a car coming, he didn't wave, he didn't even look up. He just hit the button and decided to put his well being in the hands of a complete stranger. He has no idea what my mental state is. I could have been on my phone tweeting to my 16 followers about how I feel like chipotle has  been going down hill or taking a selfie for instagram. But he didn't even look up. I could have just broken up with my girlfriend and been a rage and just said fuck it. Who does this guy think he is? I'm going to fucking run him over because I'm mentally unstable and I learned how to drive by playing grand theft auto, and I'm pretty sure this would only get me one star. Or maybe I'm just fucking crazy and this asshole is what sets me off into a murderous rampage. The cops would come and ask why I didn't stop and all I'd be able to say is "well he didn't fucking look up or wave."

Related note, if you don't press the button at all and you get hit it's your own fault. If you can't take the second to press the button you deserve to become roadkill and I shouldn't be responsible.



As always you can find me on Twitter @DeRexBowles where you can stay up to date with all my ramblings and tell me how much I suck.

Rated FF for Family Friendly

I have been informed that some of my posts aren't family friendly. So to reach new audiences I have wrote a childrens song.

It is called, Recess Time. Or something like that.


Hey there boys and girls!
Hi DeRex!
Are You ready to hear a song?
Yeah!

It was recess time,
He saw her on the swing,
She looked so pretty,
It was love at first sight,
So he pushed her in mud,

And do you know what he did next boys and girls?
No what?

He said,
Eat this mud booger brain,
Or else I'll bring the pain,

And do yo know what happened next?
Tell us! Tell us!

She yelled,
You caught my cooties,
When you touched my booties,
Now run away before I lick your face.

Ewwww

So johnny ran,
he ran away,
until he remembered this,
He circle circle,
dot, dot,
had his cootie shot,

Oooooo!


He marched back to her,
She would eat the mud,
and be his new girlfriend,
But just then,
The whistle blew,
And poor ol Johnny knew,

He would have to wait,
For his,
mud,
date