Happy Easter

This is a song, dedicated to Easter.

You gave yourself for our sins,
Those Jews sure did you in,
You told us you would rise again,
And you did!
Zombie Jesus!

I know we shouldn't hide,
You promise us with eternal life,
But no, I won't put down this knife!

Zombie Jesus,
Coming back from the dead,
Zombie Jesus,
Stay away from my head,
Zombie Jesus,
Why won't you stay dead?!?

I saw you die,
With my one good eye,
I didn't believe you when you said you can fly!

Zombie Jesus,
Coming back from the dead,
Zombie Jesus,
Stay away from my head,
Zombie Jesus,
Why won't you stay dead?!?

(Fuck the Easter bunny!)

Stay away!
I don't want to play!
You can't have my brain,
I know you are in pain,
It didn't go as planed,
because now you are,

Zombie Jesus,
Coming back from the dead,
Zombie Jesus,
Stay away from my head,
Zombie Jesus,
Why won't you stay dead?!?
Zombie Jesus,
Don't make me blow your legs away again,

What's with the bunny?
Is this supposed to be funny?
They don't even lay eggs

Zombie Jesus,
Coming back from the dead,
Zombie Jesus,
Stay away from my head,
Zombie Jesus,
Why won't you stay dead?!?

*shotgun firing* Jesus fucking Christ...

How to: Find La Chupacabra pt 1

Welcome to another of edition of "How to with Derek Bowles" we will be exploring the mystery of the mysterious Chupacabra. Now unlike the other creatures I have showed you how to find in this series, the Chupacabra, is a unique species. The reports are very widespread, and there is actually three different creatures that have been identified as Chupacabra! Below is a brief summary.

The first and most common form is a lizard-like being, appearing to have leathery or scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back. This form stands approximately 3 to 4 feet (1 to 1.2 m) high, and stands and hops in a similar fashion to a kangaroo. In at least one sighting, the creature hopped 20 feet (6 m). This variety is said to have a dog or panther-like nose and face, a forked tongue protruding from it, large fangs, and to hiss and screech when alarmed, as well as leave a sulfuric stench behind.

The second variety bears a resemblance to a wallaby or dog standing on its hind legs. It stands and hops as a kangaroo, and it has coarse fur with greyish facial hair. The head is similar to a dog's, and its mouth has large teeth.

The third form is described as a strange breed of wild dog. This form is mostly hairless, has a pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, teeth, and claws. This animal is said to be the result of interbreeding between several populations of wild dogs, though enthusiasts claim that it might be an example of a dog-like reptile. The account during the year 2001 in Nicaragua of a chupacabras corpse being found supports the conclusion that it is simply a strange breed of wild dog. The alleged corpse of the animal was found in Tolapa, Nicaragua, and forensically analyzed at UNAN-Leon. Pathologists at the University found that it was just an unusual-looking dog. There are very striking morphological differences between different breeds of dog, which can easily account for the strange characteristics.

http://www.monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Chupacabra

Valentine's Day

Here's another song for the ladies. A very special song, for a very special day. I'm talking about Valentine's Day. And this girls, is why guys really try to impress you.


Today is the day,
A very special day,
That's right,
It's Valentine's day

I'm going to wine and dine you,
I'll buy you a heart shape box of chocolates,
And a great big teddy bear,


I open the door,
pull out your chair,
and buy a six course meal,

Why do I do it?
Why do I care?

It's all because it's ,
It's all because it's,
Valentine's Day,

Ohhh Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day,
I can't wait for this day,

Because when the courtin is done,
The fun has just begun,
Ohhh on Valentine's Day,

I'm gonna take you home,
I'm gonna make you moan,
I'm gonna pull your hair,
And then
I'm gonna request you go down there,

Ohhhh Valentine's Day,
Oh how I love this day,
I spend most of the day,
Hearing about how I'm actin gay,

At the end of the day,
I'm gonna make you pay,

Ohhhh Valentine's Day,
Valentine's Day,
I'm going to point that teddy bear towards the bed,
and then I'm gonna say

"Don't pay attention to that red light, everything is gonna be alright"

Ohhh, Valentine's day,
Valentine's day,

I'm gonna take you home,
and make you moan,
I'm gonna pull your hair,
and request you go,
and request that you go,
Down there,
Down there,
Dooowwwn,
Theeerrre

©Derek Bowles 2010