How to: Find La Chupacabra pt 1

Welcome to another of edition of "How to with Derek Bowles" we will be exploring the mystery of the mysterious Chupacabra. Now unlike the other creatures I have showed you how to find in this series, the Chupacabra, is a unique species. The reports are very widespread, and there is actually three different creatures that have been identified as Chupacabra! Below is a brief summary.

The first and most common form is a lizard-like being, appearing to have leathery or scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back. This form stands approximately 3 to 4 feet (1 to 1.2 m) high, and stands and hops in a similar fashion to a kangaroo. In at least one sighting, the creature hopped 20 feet (6 m). This variety is said to have a dog or panther-like nose and face, a forked tongue protruding from it, large fangs, and to hiss and screech when alarmed, as well as leave a sulfuric stench behind.

The second variety bears a resemblance to a wallaby or dog standing on its hind legs. It stands and hops as a kangaroo, and it has coarse fur with greyish facial hair. The head is similar to a dog's, and its mouth has large teeth.

The third form is described as a strange breed of wild dog. This form is mostly hairless, has a pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, teeth, and claws. This animal is said to be the result of interbreeding between several populations of wild dogs, though enthusiasts claim that it might be an example of a dog-like reptile. The account during the year 2001 in Nicaragua of a chupacabras corpse being found supports the conclusion that it is simply a strange breed of wild dog. The alleged corpse of the animal was found in Tolapa, Nicaragua, and forensically analyzed at UNAN-Leon. Pathologists at the University found that it was just an unusual-looking dog. There are very striking morphological differences between different breeds of dog, which can easily account for the strange characteristics.

http://www.monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Chupacabra

How to: Find Bigfoot

In this in installment of How To with Derek, I am going to how to find Bigfoot! Yes that's that right, the legendary Bigfoot.

What you will need:
If you followed my How to: Spot a ghost post you should already have a really expensive camera. If you don't, go buy one, but again, do not learn how to use it. Bigfoot also shy's away from good photographers. In addition to the camera, that digital audio recorder you got will come in handy.

Now for the new stuff. You will need a log. Big enough to make a lot of noise, but not big enough that you can't get a good swing.

A meter stick, or one of those string ruler things.



With these basics you will be able to find Bigfoot in no time!
*Warning, you may not find Bigfoot.

Alright! It's time to find some Bigfoot!

Step 1:

Go to the Pacific Northwest. You may be asking yourself,
"Okay, but where at in the Pacific Northwest?"
Easy, the Pacific Northwest.

Step 2:

Go far enough from the road that you can't see the road, but not far enough into the woods that you get lost. This is base camp. While here, do an equipment check. Everything working? Batteries all charged? Good. Now you need to drain those batteries a little. And by a little, I mean after five pictures the camera needs to turn off (this is vital!), and after only minutes the audio recorder will turn off.
Also, if you forgot your log (silly you!) there is a good chance you can find one. Oh look! There's one right there!

(photo jacked from flickr guy inF! )

Step 3:

Ok, now it's time to really look for him. Your best bet is tracks. Look for footprints. And remember that ruler you got? Well, it's time to measure some footprints!



Who says Bigfoot doesn't like the beach?

Step 4:

Ok, now this is where things start getting intense. You have followed the trail! And this time you aren't just following your own tracks! Oh wait? What was that? TAKE A PICTURE!!!! Oh, it was just your buddy. Ok back to business. Take your stick/log and start hitting tree's. Just whack the shit out of it a couple of times, and then listen. Did you get a response? No? Well try some more. If you hear some knocks in the distance (and you are sure it's not the echo this time). Run towards it.

You should be close to Bigfoot now (assuming you followed this correctly).

*Warning, you are probably no where near Bigfoot.

Step 5:

Take out your camera, and audio recorder. Turn them on and when you see something moving start taking pictures. What's this? You didn't drain your battery? Shame on you! Oh well, just keep taking pictures.

Step 6:

You saw movement in the distance? Chase after it! Run as fast as you can! But remember to keep taking pictures! Oh... so close. Ok, well it's time to go home and review the evidence.

Step 7:

Evidence review.

Listen to your audio. Did you hear knocking? No? Just a bunch of panting? Well darn.

Pictures! Let's see what you got.


Ohh pretty.


How did you manage that shot?!


Hmm... Well it appears you didn't catch Bigfoot, this time. Maybe next time?
What? You have one more photo? Ok... let me see it.



OMG! You did it! You found Bigfoot! Congratulations!!!!

How to spot a ....

Construction worker.


In this post I will lay out some sure fire ways to spot a construction worker.

1) If there is a tape measure present, a construction worker will pick it up, and begin to talk with it. He will measure air, at various distances, and look very professional measuring nothing. The longer the tape becomes, the more emphasis he is showing. However the shorter it is, the less confident he becomes.

2) They cus. It doesn't matter at what, or when. You need examples, I know, so here are some.
- "Good fucking morning"
- "What the fuck is this mother fucking bullshit, fucking doing here? Fucking dumbasss. I can't believe this bullshit."
- "I'm so fucking happy this fucking day is fucking over."
-"This is bullshit!"
*fuck is the choice word.

3) When a woman walks by he immediately says something like "hey there hot momma".

4) Hates his job.

5) Is more than likely a complete idiot. (foremen and supervisors excluded).

With these 5 signs you too will know how to spot a construction worker.